" Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyways."

Christina from the band Lacuna Coil

Those are some crazy fuckin shoes!!!!!

scroll down more to read my poems....

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What do you know about love? I've touched its perfect face I've held it tight in my arms and kissed it to sleep each night What can you know about love? If you can hate something so perfect something so beautiful something so real that it brings me to my knees When I see them walking hand in hand with bright smiles across their faces and a look of pure joy in their eyes I know they've touched the same love I hold and I could never deny anyone I loved anyone I cared about such a perfect union of souls Some people spend their entire lives up until their dying breath looking for something this beautiful searching for something this wonderful and that's why I could never not in a thousand lifetimes stand between my love and her happiness. I could never tell her who she is or that what she's feeling is wrong. But there you stand soaking in the pouring rain shaking your head violently disgusted by some invisible shame What do you know about love? How can you touch love when your heart is filled with fear and hate? If you understood love even grasped the meaning of the word you'd know it takes a million different forms each as perfect as the last and though I can't hate you through all my pity when I see the pain you cause the tears you bring and the misery you create I break down and cry. Because I know then that you'll never know the meaning of love the true meaning of love. But yet, in your ignorance in your blindness and hate you crush something so perfect so beautiful that it still brings me to my knees and for that I'll never forgive you though I'll always pity you as you wallow in your sea of pain.     ***I'm Sorry         I still remember A day of death A day of sorrow and pain The memory remains Tears run down my face A rose in the rain... No thorns No leaves No color I walk alone in black A messenger seeking a purpose The loss of a friend A rope A motive Siver tears she cried She couldn't take it anymore Her soul cries out in pain No one cared but me It catches her throat Death consumes her breath The silouhette of her body Swaying with the wind No movement I blame myself I wasn't there to help A razor to help me sleep A reminder I want to go to sleep Never to wake up Never to feel the pain again That grows in my veins The guilt of that memory I'm sorry In memory of Angela Blake she will always be remembered     Say Goodbye   Yesterday has been and gone Tommorow will i find the sun or will it rain Everybody's having fun except for me I'm the lonely one I live in shame I said goodbye to romance yeah, Goodbye to friends I tell you, Goodbye to all the past, I guess that we'll meet, we'll meet in the end I've been the king, I've been the clown Now broken wings can't hold me down I'm free again The jester with the broken crown It won't be me this time around to love in vain And I feel the time is right although I know That you just might say to me What ya gonna do? What ya gonna do? But I have to take this chance Goodbye to friends and to romance And to all of you And to all of you, come on now And the weather's lookin' fine and I think the sun will shine again, And i feel I've cleared my mind all the past is left behind again     Forgotten   Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll look up And barely conscious, you'll say to no one, "Isn't something missing?" You won't cry for my absence I know. You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant...? Am I so insignificant...? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? Even though I'm the sacrifice You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you loved me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. I know what you do to yourself. I breathe deep and cry out, "Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?" And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you And wake without you there, Isn't something missing? Isn't something... Even though I'm the sacrifice You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you loved me, I'm all alone. Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?     Age Of False Innocence   Cut off the light, take a look There's nothing beyond but pain Suffer in the deepest void The flame of hope is gone What have I done? Denied the father and the son For a moment it seemed There's space beyond the spheres Aflame the night So clear and bright Unstable light You've been sacrificed in fear Now there's one thing for sure I'm not afraid anymore Day after day we've been fixed in this bowl for so long For ages we're captured in shells and crystallized walls Predestined or punished? By Man or God? I cannot, I will not Deny It's false innocence I cannot, I will not The age of false innocence Take it away from me And for a while astronomy has moved the Earth And we've turned around the Sun Sanctum Officium Has made me believe Has made me believe Has made me believe "We know for sure you're lying Would you like to mess with holy science You know the fear of dying Would it be worth it to hear you crying" I've slaughtered truth and I've shattered my heart Far too long I have played with hellfire And science has turned into madness But I should have taken it higher So I feel, so I feel Like Judas must have felt before That Wednesday night near by the tree Day after day we will gratefully suffer for more Predestined's our part so we bleed in the name of God Don't believe in their eternity We're still held in blindness And I've been turned into a liar If there is no heaven there won't be release     Nyctaphobia   The days are short The nights are long My soul The forgotten song Through the sadness Through the tears The memories Through the years Broken hope Sewn up seams I sleep with Broken dreams In the darkness I try to hide Sadness finds me Wish i could die     I Have Died A Long Time Ago     I died along time ago  I died defeating my largest foe  I died to rid the world of death  I died but now I feel my breath  I died and went to heaven so let me stay  I died and now you call me away  I died but now you wont let me rest  I died I've already done my best  I died so let me stay dead  I died and now I will rest my head  I died not for you to pull me back here  I died so you did not curse in fear  I died to save you now let me go  I died now let me go because I said no  I died accept it Im not coming back  I died cant you keep track  I died along time ago  I died defeating you, you my largest foe .... there you go..     My Eternal Slumber   looking around in a room in total blackness enchained to it for life no one is there for me no one cares no one can stop the rain no one can stop the blade black is the blood that runs out of my veins it hurts the mind to see it but it also pleasures sitting in the shower watching your life go down the drain you feel cold but no one is there to warm you up you slowly sit down and feel weaker you dont want to give in but its too late death consumes your body in the brief moment you wanted to feel wanted you wanted someone there for you you choke the last words "i am sorry" and then close your eyes that let you see the light now fade into black the eternal sleep consumes     How I Was Reminded   As we lay there quiet I was reminded of all the reasons why I lust you Your smile, and the way it teased at me seductively Your laugh, and the way it tempted me Your eyes, and the way they seem to hypnotize me As we sat there silent I was reminded of all the reasons why I love you Your smile, and the way it brings such life into me Your laugh, and the way it makes everything okay Your eyes, and the way them seems to read my thoughts As we stand here now I am reminded of all the reasons why I hate you Your smile, and the way it confuses me Your laugh, and the way it seems to mock me Your eyes, and the way they can look into mine and not feel a thing     Bloodlust         As he watches his girlfriend go out the door Taking with her his life He runs into the kitchen And grabs a butcher knife He cannot live without her He's really sure of this So instead he'll die and be out of his misery With the memory of their last kiss He walks into the living room And sits down on a chair Then holds the knife up to his throat An act of pure dispair He presses the blade in just an inch And watches his blood begin to spill Then cries out that the knife's not sharp This utensil won't work to kill! In frantic haste he runs down the hallway Through the bedroom door Then he grabs a pistol From his dresser drawer He holds the barrel to his temple And turns the safety off He says a quick prayer to God Getting rid of the lump in his throat with a cough He pulls the trigger slowly Fearful of his fate And finds he forgot the bullet He summons all his courage And pulls a bullet from his pocket Along with his most treasured gift from her A beautiful golden locket He finally gets enough courage To try it once again This time he succeeds And now looks like a dismantled doll like Ken But alas, he does not die And the doctors have him analyzed He's left in a brain-dead state A living vegetable, paralyzed And his girl forgets all about him Goes on with her world Never knowing of what he'd done Of his life away he'd hurled And even if he had died And she'd cried and cried instead It wouldn't matter much to him No matter what, he'd still be dead     Alone   Purity once had a name, And beauty once had a face. Life once had a meaning, And once I was safe. Once there was freedom, And once I could laugh. Happiness once was alive, And once I had another half. Once I shared her love, Once I was by her side, Once I felt I fitted, So quickly that died. Her grace so great, Her beauty so vast, All I ever wanted, Was for it to last. Fate maybe had another plan, Or maybe she had another love, But it all fell apart, The hand too big for the glove. Now it's all died away, Happiness, joy, love; all memories. Now I walk alone in this dark, dark world, With no light to guide my way.     *** Image       I sit in my closet rapped up in a ball, going through old letters containing so many secrets, reading old notes that were so close to being taken up by teachers, looking through pictures that were left to be forgotten, trying to forget the memories that still haunt me in my sleep, a familiar face reminds me of so much, I had her buried in my mind before the dirt even covered her casket, I should have gone too, I was supposed to be with her when she died, I come across this note, her named signed at the bottom, oh, the memories we had, still overcome by the last one, she shouldn't have been lying on that gurney, covered with all those machines, they were supposed to save her, instead I killed her in my mind, a cold chill ran down my spine, I had the feeling of being watched, and when I turned, the image of that familiar face . . . To the memory of my friend Angela Blake She will always be remembered     Forever Gone, Forever You         I wanted you to be with me For so long I don't even know by now But now that I've given up on you Defiantly you see me Walking away I see the pain You put me through Lost in your game to change the same Forever gone, forever you There's something very wrong about this I think you knew all along somehow You'll only take me to change my mind Lonely, broken, and defeated So far away I see the truth I see through you Now that I know the way you play I don't want to     Breathe No More   I've been looking in the mirror for so long That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side Oh the little pieces falling shatter Shards of me too sharp to put back together Too small to matter But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces If I try to touch her And I bleed I bleed And I breathe I breathe no more Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirit's well Yet again you refuse to drink like a stubborn child Lie to me Convince me that I've been sick forever And all of this will make sense when I get better But I know the difference between myself and my reflection I just can't help but to wonder Which of us do you love So I bleed I bleed And I breathe I breathe no- Bleed I bleed And I breathe I breathe no more     Before The Dawn   Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you I am nothing more than to see you there And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away We'll be lost before the dawn If only night can hold you where i can see you, my love Then let me never ever wake again And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away We'll be lost before the dawn somehow i know that we cant wake again from this dream it's not real, but it's ours Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away We'll be lost before the dawn     Angel She walks on the road, looking at the stars A tear rolls from her cheek A knife in one hand and her life in the other Not accepted, even from her loved ones She wants to be understood But the darkness within her heart consumes her A heart of purity turned into darkness Her soul cries out in silvered tears Her body cries out in blood A simple rose with no thorns So beautiful but not complete So it withers and dies The blood runs down her body She doesn't care anymore The ability to live is no longer there in her mind She gasps for breathe but suffocation sets in She thinks of the only good memories that are so dear to her But slowely they are taken away No more thoughts and dreams but only a hand An angel that stands before her An angel in black He stands there looking at her Like he was in pain A tear rolls down his cheeks He grabs her hand and kisses it lightly His blue eyes look into hers He can sense her pain He takes off his coat and bares his stitched up wounds His heart as black as hers She starts to slip away The angel grabs her and kisses her gently on the lips She doesn't resist He drops to the ground in total pain She gets up as if nothing happened to her The angel screams as he bleeds out of his heart She tries to confort him but the pain is too much He slowley slips away and dies on her lap His stone blue eyes look up at her as he closes them She cries out She realizes he sacrificed his life for hers She doesn't understand She doesn't know the dark individual But he gave up his life Just for her to live She will always remember that angel Especially his stone blue eyes She looks up at the sun His warmth is still with her